“Tired of the same old you?

“Tired of being out of shape…and out of luck with the opposite sex?

“Tired of being overweight and under-attractive?”

Ahh, the sheer brilliance! (cue the Guinness Brewmasters) of Dodgeball’s White Goodman.

Joking aside, weight is a…um…uh…weighty matter for a lot of people. Seriously folks, when nearly 60% of Americans are obese, there’s a real problem here.

It’s Friday, so you know what that means! (no, not Dolla table dances…or even table dances for a Dolla). It means it’s Friday Giveaway time, and today we’re giving away Jenny Craig consultations. Now you won’t get the humor of Ben Stiller comparing obesity to “baldness or necrophilia,” but you will get:

• Fast answers to your questions about Jenny Craig
• Learn more about program options, special offers, and getting started
• To hear from either your local center (where you visit a center nearby for help and advice from your Consultant) or their convenient at-home program (where all consultations are over the phone and food is shipped to your home or office)

There’s nothing to lose, even entering your email address is optional (as of this writing). Simply enter your name and phone number to get a FREE instant call-back and start taking steps to a new you!

“…turn that Frankenstein…into a Franken-fine.”

Tired of energy drinks that cause you to crash and/or put on weight (really, when you think about the amount of sugar in some energy drinks—reportedly up to 12 tablespoons for some of ‘em—all that gained weight is really gonna offset the energy you gain now).  You’ll hate yourself when you’re older for trading your health for another hour or so of alertness (yeah, I know sometimes it’s necessary).

So of course your ol’ pal Dolla has a solution (come on now, you know if I pose a problem I’m gonna have a solution…Mr. Fix-It they call me …or so I hear).

Enough blabbin’, onto the solution…PepPod! It’s only 1 Calorie…with NO SUGAR!!! This is pretty important if you don’t wanna look like this guy (no joke, this guy gained this much weight through being sedentary and consuming waaaay more calories than he burned…it’s likely he was predisposed to extreme weight gain or he’d be small by tomorrow’s standards, but for any of you out there with weight issues—I know I got ‘em—this guy might just inspire you to do something about it…like beat his record, or maybe lose that extra few pounds…or maybe appreciate life as it is and appreciate you for yourself…that’s always possible). It’s jam-packed with Taurine, Glucuronolactone, Caffeine, Niacin, Guarana Extract, Inositol, CoQ10, and Vitamin B12 for an energy boost with NO CRASH!!! Energy as nature intended! (hmm…maybe not…)

The next cool thing about PepPod is that, unlike standard energy drinks, it’s portable!!! Sure you can take a can or bottle almost anywhere (they’ll bust ya in a movie theater or airplane, where energy drinks are oh-so-necessary). The reality is that whole “portable” thing is the silliest thing I’ve heard in trying to sell this product…because you still need to dissolve it in water. Sure it’s easier to carry around than a bottle or can but if you have issues carrying a single bottle or can you need WAY more help than an energy drink (or tablet) will do for you. However, the non-use of plastic and aluminum at least makes it more eco-friendly/green.

Here’s the VERY BEST PART: PepPod is only $1.49 per serving. Compare that to the energy drinks you buy at the supermarket (or, more often, convenience store…man, talk about paying for convenience!)…you’re gonna pay nearly twice that amount for the same energy kick anywhere else (and come on, most of those energy shots are nasty and go real fast…thankfully).

Real Energy. Real Ingredients: The Perfect Blend For Your Mind, Body, Spirit.

OMG!!! No expensive lasers – No awkward strips – No bad tasting gels! Dazzle Smile is the teeth-whitening system that fits in with your busy lifestyle!

Shiny new cars and designer clothes are no longer the hallmarks of being cool (well, I’m not sure about that, but it is true that it makes you look like a real piece of work to drive around in that $250k brand-new sports car while unemployment is in the double-digits…but…someone has to keep the economy going, and it’s just that “oh no, what will people think?” that keeps it down). According to these guys…I kid you not…white teeth are the hallmark of being cool. I suppose there’s some validity to that comment…after all, you can look like you spent thousands when you really only checked out the free trial (and kept it if it worked).

Okay, lol. Got rid of that silliness…got it outta my system, and hopefully outta yours, too. Now go whiten those teeth (and pick me up a new Ferrari when you grab yours…I’m good for it, I swear!)!

Let your smile shine—find out if you qualify!

Gentlemen…this is Hollywood’s Hottest New Diet! I know most of you guys wanna get out there and show your lady that you can look like Brad Pitt. As he so succinctly put it in Fight Club though…you can’t. Sorry…man up and deal with it. If you’re single, you probably saw “Hollywood” and thought Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox. The reality is, if you’re interested in this article, you probably look more like Meat Loaf. It’s all good though, we’re here to help you lose weight…and keep it off.

Dr. Nicholas Perricone rated the Açaí berry the world’s #1 superfood on a popular daytime talk show (I can’t tell you which one or they’d have to kill me…but I’m guessing most of you didn’t see that episode). They’re giving away a free trial of the stuff, a whole month’s worth of those amazing berries in pill form (sure beats eating berries ’til you’re sick of seein’ ‘em). The thing is, these guys want you to get ripped…they want you to leave the couch potatoes crying in your dust and the wannabees looking at you in amazement. So they use nutriFlex to get you leaner faster…without bulking up like a steroid freak. Get your hands on this multi-tiered weight-loss supplement today!

Lose the weight with ACAIForce Max!

So I have this weird feeling that “True White” and “AcaiEssence” are made (or at least marketed) by the same company. I’d apologize for what I’m about to say, but really, they should be apologizing to me for making me look at this stuff. It’s just sad.

The thing that burns me most on this one, though, is that they didn’t even bother to spell “Açaí” right…(oddly enough, they could’ve spelled it “AqaiEssence” and it would have still been right…). Hey, I’m not gonna have to even take supplements anymore, all I gotta do is read these guys’ pages and my heart rate goes through the roof!

I’m gonna offer the same deal here that I did for True White…click on the top or bottom link here, order the free trial, email me here with a copy of the emailed receipt (use MS Paint or whatever to black out any financial information or your address; you must include the transaction/order ID), and I’ll refund you the S&H, up to $4.95 for First Class as soon as I can confirm the transaction (sorry, I’m not payin’ for you to overnight it lol).

Order now and get a free Platinum Lifetime Membership to Nutrigeniclife!

• No awkward strips!
• No bad-tasting gels!
• No expensive lasers!

*Whew*, got that outta the way. Now that I’m done with the bleached/saccharine/soulless part of this article, it’s time to get into the real meat and potatoes! And if you eat a lot of either, you probably wanna check out the other Health & Beauty articles, too. You’ll probably want your teeth to be whiter, too, so you’ve found yourself in the right article. I’ll get to that in just a second though…after you’ve whitened your teeth and lost some weight, check out the Love & Relationships section. Lol…I’m not really suggesting people be more shallow than they already are…well, I suppose, by providing links to teeth whiteners and weight loss…I kinda am. Oh well, it’s life, learn to deal with it…or don’t, but don’t come crawlin’ back then.

“True White can fit in with your busy lifestyle…the easy-to-use whitening sticks taste great and…um…whiten your teeth…they take only minutes to use so they’re great if you’re always on-the-go. You just spend five minutes using it and wait for your teeth to shine.” Seriously, who writes this stuff? I’m gonna ask you—no, I’m gonna beg you—if you’re reading this, please sign up for a free trial, because they need new copywriters (yeah, I paraphrased the first sentence, but at least mine is supposed to be dumb…and I thought it was funny ).

Let your smile shine!

Man…even that last line sucked! You know it’s bad when I have to put a final note after the link…PLEASE! I’m begging you, sign up for their FREE TRIALS, pay the S&H (I’ll tell you what…if you sign up for the free trial off this link, and email me here, I’ll even refund* your S&H fees…that’s how badly I want them to write better copy!) Seriously…who even uses the word porosities? (btw…it’s a real word, it means the spaces or pores in a material…but come on, I was so sure it was made-up when I read it I had to check…and I see all sorts of crazy stuff online all the time!)

*Interested in that refund? Here’s what you gotta do: send a copy of the emailed receipt (use MS Paint or whatever to black out any financial information or your address; you must include the transaction/order ID), and I’ll refund you the S&H, up to $4.95 for First Class as soon as I can confirm the transaction (sorry, I’m not payin’ for you to overnight it lol).

We all know pharmaceutical costs are skyrocketing…how many times have you picked up a prescription and thought “I paid what?!?” Yeah, I thought so…generics are often a great solution…except that the initial patent has to expire before you can get generics. On top of that, the economy sucks (duh!)…but you still need your meds. Ugh!!! It’s seriously enough to make you want to scream, cry, scream some more, cry some more, and on…and I don’t even wanna think about what constant prescriptions cost (needing a refill every month, having to visit your doctor to get the okay on some of those refills, etc.). It’s never fun…and when times are tough it’s even worse.

Pharmacy benefits are more important right now than they’ve ever been (and probably in higher demand than ever, too)…and more expensive than they’ve ever been. The best part is…there’s no charge to you for this card…just sign up, print it out, and start reaping the benefits right now.

Use your card at over 65,000 pharmacies nationwide!

You know the dealio…pay S&H and you get your free trial to        . In this case,         is billed as the #1 rated fat burner…which is a pretty good deal for a 15-day free trial.

I think all of you pretty much know how I feel at this point about fat-burning supplements and the like…I’m all for tryin new things, seeing what works, but in order for you to really slim-down and get in shape, you have to also eat right and exercise. Sure, most of these supplements will help burn some of it off, but they’re not “magic potions” to make you look like a model overnight. Keep your expectations in check, be smart about it, and take care of yourself, and you’ll look and feel better!

Get extreme energy levels…supress hunger…stimulate your metabolism…control appetite cravings…get optimal nutrients…no, it’s still not a “magic pill!”

Try it RISK FREE!

…but then I found this article in Reader’s Digest, and another on PublicRadio.org while doing a little back research, and figured that I wouldn’t be doing right by all of you if I was encouraging you to buy bottled water. However, since I believe that most scientific studies are nothing more than one lobby or another trying to put it’s competition out of business, and since even a basic statistics class at your local community college will show you the same thing, I decided to do both (and likely infuriate everyone ).

The funny thing is, I was just about done with this post before I found that page. So I decided to scrap it and start fresh, and leave the option up to you, the reader. Frankly, I drink bottled water…I already know that it’s more likely than not tap water…I buy it because it’s convenient and I drink more water that way, and in theory, if I’m drinking more water I’ll drink less soda and spirits, and be healthier in the long run. I wasn’t aware of how much water is used to make the plastic, so I think I might start moving back to filtered tap water. The truth is, the decision should be yours to make, not mine, so if you’re okay with drinking bottled water, drink away! Grab the offer, ‘cuz it is pretty cool, you’ll likely drink more water if it’s available to you. If not, go spend a few bucks, get a good filtration system (here’s one on Amazon for less than $25 before S&H).

PUR water filtration system less than $25!

Boy am I glad to be done talking politics, and getting into something much less er…weighty…lookin’ gooood! And it’s Friday, so you know what that means…it’s Giveaway Day!

Registril (man, I’m really startin to think all these names are fancy ways of sayin the same thing over and over lol), the active ingredient in Celtrixa, has been shown in scientific research (I wanna see someone say they did unscientific research ) to improve skin tone and appearance. Use Celtrixa to erase stretch marks and prevent the formation of new ones!

Of course, you could pay thousands on laser ablution and surgery, but if the results are bad, you’re outta money and the damage is permanent. Compare that to Celtrixa, whicih costs nothing (‘cept for S&H) to try! The second-best part is that Celtrixa is a topical lotion…studies show that results begin to appear within 30 days, and in under two months, can visibly reduce stretch mark depth, color, and relief by up to 72%. That’s pretty good…of course, you’re not gonna look like airbrushed models (truth be told, they don’t look like that, either ).

Try Celtrixa Risk-Free!